The Drink to End All Life

Here I sit at the Common Cup (no finer establishment can be found for the purchase of coffee'd beverages), imbibing a liquid concoction the likes of which have never before been seen. It is a drink on par with the mighty turducken, were the aforementioned bird-in-bird-in-bird deep fried in bacon grease and slathered in gravy, and the resulting feast consumed by one man in the caldera of an active volcano at midnight on the summer solstice while the children of the fay dance about him chanting deep and ancient incantations.

The drink of which I speak has no name--at least, no name which can be spoken by mortal man. It is a combination of ingredients so potent that a mere sip is enough to make a grown man cry--a cup would break him into his individual atoms and spread him evenly across the cosmos, granting him powers beyond imagination, but at the cost of his ability to love.

It would have been better had this recipe never been discovered, but now that its secret has been revealed it must be made public lest certain powers keep it to themselves so as to gain advantage over others.

The awe-inspiring list of ingredients is as follows.

Blend together in a lead-shielded bunker beneath at least one mile of earth:
16 oz Milk (soy, in this particular case)
1 cup coffee
2 shots espresso
1 Common Cup brownie
1 Common Cup red velvet cupcake (with icing)

Serve in a goblet hewn from the bone of a gold dragon.

Spread this recipe as far and wide as you can to maintain the balance of power in the cosmos--but if you choose to drink it, your life is in your own hands.

You have been warned.